There are still 5 days left in our Mortifying March contest! But we thought we’d post some of our entries* to get the ball rolling. The winner will be announced on the 31st and will receive a grab- bag (well, box) of cool shiz!
B write to us:
I was in love with this boy forever (TWO YEARS) but we had never even kissed. One time I told myself I was going to be really cool and 20 and drink with him. I was at the time a total lightweight so naturally I could handle 1 bottle of wine and half a case of steel reserve.
We are hanging out on his futon and he goes up to get to the bathroom. I am convinced this is the moment my life is about to change! Finally years of waiting for the love of my life have paid off!! I imagine our wedding, our children, our future.
Then I throw up on his bed.
Racked with guilt over how our children will now never be born I cover up the vomit with a blanket. I sit there until I realize this isn’t gonna work and then begin to cry. He comes out to see me in tears and I babble out that I have ruined our lives and everything and then reveal the gift I have left in his bed. He takes me home and we obv still haven’t made out.
As a preteen I moved to Plymouth for a school year. This was back when we actually cared to dress up the first day of school, and being a new student I had “the outfit” planned: a short black skirt, tights, a white tee & a jean jacket. Gotta love the 90s. I got off the bus and head to my new school where I knew not one person. I walked with a presence of “hey I’m here, a city girl with my cool clothes”, walked into the main doors, noticed the other kids looking to see “who’s the new stylish girl”. I got a wee bit lost finding my homeroom, and walked in after most of the other kids got there. I noticed other girls looking over with a stare of “is she really” and the boys having big smiles on their faces. So my “swag” only got hotter.
I sat down and looked around, feeling very confident. That’s when the teacher waved me up and sent me to the nurses office, kind of walking close behind me, very unsettling. Having my confidence taking a blow & wondering “what the hell do I need at the nurses office, maybe some sort of checkup for being new” I entered the nurses office and she had a large moving box in her hand labeled “lost and found”. I was seriously confused. The nurse then said, “Go ahead sweetheart, have your pick, there’s bound to be something in your size”. I asked, highly confused, “What am I looking for? I love my new school outfit”, doing a small twist of my foot, and looking myself over. I was mortified as I looked down at where my cute black skirt SHOULD BE. It wasn’t there!!!
I burst into a huge cry-fest, ran into the bathroom and locked the door. After about 10 minutes of crying and having the nurse calm me down, I opened the door, walked to the moving box very confused and upset. I had started the day with an amazing outfit on!!
I picked a pair of jeans, I walked back into the bathroom, locked the door behind me, took my jean jacket off, and went to pull my white shirt up. There was my skirt!! It rose up into my shirt while riding the bus and I hadn’t noticed!!
I can’t remember how the rest of the day went, but my name for that one long school year was Granny, for “granny panties”.
Thanks ladies! We feel your pain.
Remember it’s not too late to be part of the contest. Email your stories to firstname.lastname@example.org! Stay tuned for more stories as this week continues, as well as some reviews, we promise!
*Entries have been edited because Kolleen is a grammar psychopath.